A Revised Paragraph (The Mage of Appleberry).
Written below are two paragraphs. The first of which is the original paragraph from a scene in the book, The Mage of Appleberry, that I am in the process of writing, and the second is the revised version.
The first paragraph is a little clumsy and doesn’t flow well, but after a read through and amends the words flow from the page with an acceptable style.
1. Original Paragraph
Taranis still has the key after all he has been through, and he had a feeling he would need it at some point. All is still the same in the room as it was before, his favourite books, ornaments and board games still in their places. It feels glorious to be back and this evening will be one of the most relaxing evenings he has had in some time.
2. Revised Paragraph
The door is locked, but Taranis has a thought. He retrieves the key from his pocket and smiles as the lock clicks open. After all he has been through he had the sense to hold onto it. The room is as he remembers, with his favourite books and ornaments in their places, items that connect to cherished memories flood back into his mind. It feels glorious to be home and this evening will be a slow descent into blissful sleep.