One thing we can agree these days is that the internet is full of advice on ‘how to write successfully,’ — so sometimes it’s good to take a break from that, and the process below will help.

So to get started, sit down in the dark and start writing this article. For the first half, write a pile of garbage, about garbage, and then the other half about lemon meringue. – Then stick a metaphorical cherry on top and call it artistic expression.

Add an epilogue at the end on how your cat is pretty pleased with himself, and last night after an hour of meowing in the garden and running around chasing his tale, he came in and plumped himself down on the couch. This was only just tolerable, but after he started smoking a cigar, you had to shoo him into the kitchen for the night!

Now have a couple of gin and tonics, pop on a bowler hat and take a photo of yourself celebrating. Add that picture to the article and call the post — Liftoff!

Once the post is live, if anyone asks where you’re flying off to, say it’s the history books. If that pleases or impresses anyone you know you found one nut job.

If someone attacks the article call them a right-wing lune who doesn’t understand art, and if anyone praises it, call them a left-wing banana splat who didn’t get the irony.

Once all that is done, pat yourself on the back and try not to think about the article ever again 😉